NAUTICAL JOKES

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  • #1235
    Anonymous

    NAUTICAL JOKES
    Windchime, Fri Nov 08 2013, 09:28AM

    Do you have a funny Nautical Joke you’d like to share?
    Post it here for us all to have a little chuckle and brighten our day

    Re: NAUTICAL JOKES
    Windchime, Fri Nov 08 2013, 09:32AM

    Ok, I’ll get us started.

    A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says,

    “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!”

    “What do you mean?” the pirate replies, “I’m fine.”

    The bartender says, “But what about that wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.”

    “Well,” says the pirate, “We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I’m fine, really.”

    “Yeah,” says the bartender, “But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands.”

    “Well,” says the pirate, “We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really.”

    “Oh,” says the bartender, “What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes.”

    “Well,” says the pirate, “One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye.”

    “So?” replied the bartender, “what happened? You couldn’t have lost an eye just from some bird shit!”

    “Well,” says the pirate, “I really wasn’t used to the hook yet.”

    Re: NAUTICAL JOKES
    Sea Shell, Fri Nov 08 2013, 01:02PM

    A couple of quick one!!!

    Who is a pirate’s favorite magician?
    HARRRRRrrrry Pottarrrrrr!!

    Why are Pirates called Pirates????
    Because they Arrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!!!

    Why did the pirate have trouble keeping his car on the road?
    Because the road was SCURVY!!!

    To Error is Human.
    To Arrrrrgh is Pirate!!!

    Lots more to come!!

    #3407

    How much did the pirate pay for his peg-leg and hook?

    …. An arm and a leg. Ah ha ha ha!

    #3416

    What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

    …. a nervous wreck! 🙂

    #3417
    Anonymous

    Definition:
    -Sailing-
    The fine art of moving slowly at great expense.

    Darry – This one is for you!!

    The Ten Dollar Question
    Three couples had rented a sailboat for the weekend, at a cost
    of $300.00. Each couple had chipped in $100.00 a piece to cover
    the cost of the boat. As they were getting ready to make way, a dock
    hand flagged them down to say, “the owner of this boat has decided to
    give you back $50.00 in hopes to entice you to come back on another
    occasion.” he proceeded to hand them 5- $10.00 bills. The couples
    then realized, there wasn’t an easy way to divide 5- $10 bills equally
    between themselves. So they gave the dock hand a $20.00 tip and
    then divided the remaining 3- $10 between each couple.

    If they each paid $100.00 apiece originally for the boat rental, and
    received $10.00 back. Then in essence they paid $90.00 for the boat.

    $90 (The amount each couple paid) x 3 (The amount of couples) = $270 +
    $20 (The tip they gave the dock hand) = $290.

    Where did the other $10 go?

    #3418
    Anonymous

    If you haven’t seen this yet!!

    One morning John noticed something floating towards the deserted island that had become his home since the ship sank six months ago.

    As the object came closer, he realized that it was a large barrel. He very soon thereafter realized that hanging on to the barrel was a very scantily clad woman. In fact she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

    Arriving on shore the woman left the barrel and slowly and suggestively walked towards John. She whispered into John’s ear, ” I have something you want!”

    John broke into a dead run towards to breaking waves yelling, “Don’t tell me you’ve got beer in that barrel!”

    #3435
    Rick & SueRick & Sue
    Participant

    Windchime was leading the fleet across the straight when one of the skippers spotted a Pirate ship on the horizon. Darry immediately went below and put on his red shirt then led the fleet to victory. While out sailing the next day the fleet ran into 2 Pirate ships. Darry immediately put his red shirt on and vanquished both Pirate ships. On returning to the marina the skippers asked Darry about the red shirt. Darry explained that as leader he did not want the fleet to despair if he were injured and the red shirt would hide the blood. The skippers were impressed with the bravery of their leader. The next day the call came that 10 pirate ships had been sighted! Immediately all eyes turned to their leader who shortly appeared on deck wearing his brown pants.

    #3722
    Rick & SueRick & Sue
    Participant

    Why can’t the pirate remember the alphabet?

    Because he always gets lost at “C”

    #3729
    Anonymous

    Ha Gemini,

    I just saw that on Ellen also!! was going to post it

    #4057

    Guest-Crew Instructions

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    #4112

    One for the young crew !
    (click on photo to enlarge)

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    #4557
    Rick & SueRick & Sue
    Participant

    Hey Darry, How much did the Pirate pay for his corn?

    A buck an ear :-). Arrrrrgh

    #4765
    Anonymous

    You guys Crack me up 😅

    #4767

    Question: What takes 7 hours over two days, lots of wine, and many F-bombs?
    Answer: Putting together a 3-D pirate ship puzzle 🙁

    OMG!! Want to frustrate a friend … but them one of these. I got it for Christmas from a a friend, so Leisa and I thought it would make a nice evening together over a glass of wine, wrong!

    Second Question:
    Q: How much scotch-tape does it take to hold a 3-D pirate ship puzzle together?
    A: Buy one and try for yourself 🙂

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