Welcome to MYCBC › Forums › General Discussion › NAUTICAL JOKES
- This topic has 12 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 2 months ago by Darry & Leisa Major.
November 30, 2013 at 12:44 am #1235Anonymous
Windchime, Fri Nov 08 2013, 09:28AM
Do you have a funny Nautical Joke you’d like to share?
Post it here for us all to have a little chuckle and brighten our day
Re: NAUTICAL JOKES
Windchime, Fri Nov 08 2013, 09:32AM
Ok, I’ll get us started.
A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says,
“Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!”
“What do you mean?” the pirate replies, “I’m fine.”
The bartender says, “But what about that wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.”
“Well,” says the pirate, “We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I’m fine, really.”
“Yeah,” says the bartender, “But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands.”
“Well,” says the pirate, “We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really.”
“Oh,” says the bartender, “What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes.”
“Well,” says the pirate, “One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye.”
“So?” replied the bartender, “what happened? You couldn’t have lost an eye just from some bird shit!”
“Well,” says the pirate, “I really wasn’t used to the hook yet.”
Re: NAUTICAL JOKES
Sea Shell, Fri Nov 08 2013, 01:02PM
A couple of quick one!!!
Who is a pirate’s favorite magician?
Why are Pirates called Pirates????
Because they Arrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!!!
Why did the pirate have trouble keeping his car on the road?
Because the road was SCURVY!!!
To Error is Human.
To Arrrrrgh is Pirate!!!
Lots more to come!!December 6, 2014 at 9:11 am #3407
How much did the pirate pay for his peg-leg and hook?
…. An arm and a leg. Ah ha ha ha!December 9, 2014 at 11:09 am #3416
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
…. a nervous wreck! 🙂December 9, 2014 at 9:31 pm #3417Anonymous
The fine art of moving slowly at great expense.
Darry – This one is for you!!
The Ten Dollar Question
Three couples had rented a sailboat for the weekend, at a cost
of $300.00. Each couple had chipped in $100.00 a piece to cover
the cost of the boat. As they were getting ready to make way, a dock
hand flagged them down to say, “the owner of this boat has decided to
give you back $50.00 in hopes to entice you to come back on another
occasion.” he proceeded to hand them 5- $10.00 bills. The couples
then realized, there wasn’t an easy way to divide 5- $10 bills equally
between themselves. So they gave the dock hand a $20.00 tip and
then divided the remaining 3- $10 between each couple.
If they each paid $100.00 apiece originally for the boat rental, and
received $10.00 back. Then in essence they paid $90.00 for the boat.
$90 (The amount each couple paid) x 3 (The amount of couples) = $270 +
$20 (The tip they gave the dock hand) = $290.
Where did the other $10 go?December 9, 2014 at 11:05 pm #3418Anonymous
If you haven’t seen this yet!!
One morning John noticed something floating towards the deserted island that had become his home since the ship sank six months ago.
As the object came closer, he realized that it was a large barrel. He very soon thereafter realized that hanging on to the barrel was a very scantily clad woman. In fact she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Arriving on shore the woman left the barrel and slowly and suggestively walked towards John. She whispered into John’s ear, ” I have something you want!”
John broke into a dead run towards to breaking waves yelling, “Don’t tell me you’ve got beer in that barrel!”December 14, 2014 at 12:49 pm #3435
Windchime was leading the fleet across the straight when one of the skippers spotted a Pirate ship on the horizon. Darry immediately went below and put on his red shirt then led the fleet to victory. While out sailing the next day the fleet ran into 2 Pirate ships. Darry immediately put his red shirt on and vanquished both Pirate ships. On returning to the marina the skippers asked Darry about the red shirt. Darry explained that as leader he did not want the fleet to despair if he were injured and the red shirt would hide the blood. The skippers were impressed with the bravery of their leader. The next day the call came that 10 pirate ships had been sighted! Immediately all eyes turned to their leader who shortly appeared on deck wearing his brown pants.January 23, 2015 at 3:24 pm #3722
Why can’t the pirate remember the alphabet?
Because he always gets lost at “C”January 27, 2015 at 2:06 pm #3729Anonymous
I just saw that on Ellen also!! was going to post itApril 27, 2015 at 4:44 pm #4057
Guest-Crew InstructionsMay 22, 2015 at 4:59 pm #4112
One for the young crew !
(click on photo to enlarge)
December 21, 2015 at 6:12 pm #4557
- This reply was modified 7 years, 10 months ago by Darry & Leisa Major.
Hey Darry, How much did the Pirate pay for his corn?
A buck an ear :-). ArrrrrghJanuary 12, 2016 at 7:04 am #4765Anonymous
You guys Crack me up 😅January 12, 2016 at 2:35 pm #4767
Question: What takes 7 hours over two days, lots of wine, and many F-bombs?
Answer: Putting together a 3-D pirate ship puzzle 🙁
OMG!! Want to frustrate a friend … but them one of these. I got it for Christmas from a a friend, so Leisa and I thought it would make a nice evening together over a glass of wine, wrong!
Q: How much scotch-tape does it take to hold a 3-D pirate ship puzzle together?
A: Buy one and try for yourself 🙂
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